Do you ever wonder if there really a god or superpower controlling this universe? Are we living this life accidentally or someone above us pulling the strings? My heart asks me these questions day and night. This might because of my origin from a religious family or maybe because I love to read spiritual books since childhood. When I was little my grandmother used to tell me stories of Lord Ganesha and Lord Krishna. I dedicated my life to Lord Shiva when I was still learning to speak words. People might see God as a supreme power or some savior but I always think of Lord Shiva as a father figure and part of the family. Whenever I read his stories, watching some mythological TV show or religious movie tears fell down from my eyes unnoticed.
Even when I was just a child I always find myself reading spiritual books and learning more and more via various mediums. There was a time when I was lost completely after my dearest uncle died. I couldn’t focus on my work or anything else. Then my landlady Introduced me to a church group. They teach about the love of God. I felt very satisfied and peaceful after a very long time. People started to see me as a completely different person. I was an authentic Hindu so my family was against me despite all these positive changes. There is a meeting takes place at my landlord’s house every Saturday. Every person in that meeting came to meet the lord in this small and friendly church.
It’s been 4 months since I became a member of this church. I started asking questions to my parents what did their believe ever gave them, why are so much bad things happening in the world? They always try to give me an answer in a calm and positive way but I didn’t realize when did I stop listening to them. My behavior was changing aggressively and I didn’t even realize it until the pastor started a special session on Tuesday afternoon. They told us to spread the word of god which I was already doing. They told me how they are doing this on a big level, how do they get funding for doing so and we will also get all that luxury after we starting doing this.
We were only four people in that special meeting. This was my 4th special meeting and then the pastor said unpleasant things about Lord Shiva. It was like I woke up from a very bad dream. I realized all those things I was sub-consciously doing from past 4 months. All the positive things they taught me I still thankful to them but I already knew it since my childhood it’s just that the teachings of my grandmother lost somewhere along the way to my adolescence. I started reading all the texts I read in the childhood, studies Shrimad Bhagwat Geeta, Vedas, even Quran, and Guru Granth Sahib. During my time at the Church, I was afraid of reading any other text as it may take me away from the lord but when realized the true presence of Lord was always inside me, I never felt afraid again in my life.